Category: #BlogElul (Page 3 of 4)

#BlogElul: Try something new for 30 days #takeaseatmakeafriend

August 16, 2013 / gurevitzr

30 days from now will take us past Rosh Hashanah and not quite to Yom Kippur (so that will allow for a few days of ‘misses’). Is there something you’d like to try to make a habit? Is there a habit you’d like to leave behind? There’s no better time to give this a go. And Matt Cutts makes it sound like so much fun! I’ve got some lazy habits at home. I can think of one or two that it would be good to break. Matt says you can do anything for 30 days, right? Right!

#BlogElul: Transforming the ordinary #takeaseatmakeafriend

August 15, 2013 / gurevitzr

One of our congregants posted this charming quote and image on their Facebook wall and, in this month of posting relationship and connection-related thoughts, ideas, and videos as our congregational theme leading up to the High Holydays, this one fit right in.

Here’s a few examples I can think of in response:

I remember the interfaith Spring cleanup that we did in a park in Bridgeport, CT, where Muslims, Jews, and Christians hauled trash out of the woods together.
Unloading a huge load of watermelon from a truck. The watermelon was donated by the farmer to the church hall being used to feed people and provide a base for volunteers helping to rebuild a town in Alabama after two tornados had uprooted a community.
Sitting silently in a room. The room was our sanctuary, hosting the local Hindu community for a meditation teaching led by their Guru from India.
Greeting a stranger. Something that happens any week that someone new walks into our building. Each and every one brings with them a different story, experience, hope and desire.

What ordinary moments are not so ordinary when you stop and think who you have shared them with?

#BlogElul: Let’s Dance! #takeaseatmakeafriend

August 14, 2013 / gurevitzr

It is all a matter of perspective. I can dwell in frustration that I’m not reaching my goal more quickly, or I can choose to notice what is happening in this moment and enjoy the fullness of it. I’m trying to lose weight. Sure, I’d love the pounds to come off more quickly. But I’ve been making steady and pretty consistent progress, and I’ve loved the interactions with my trainer and fellow exercisers at my three-times-a-week program. I have a vision of what I’d like my rabbinate to look like. Perhaps it will always be a work in progress (I should probably worry if I should delude myself that I’ve ‘arrived’), but focusing on each shift, development, ‘aha!’ moment shared with our team of leaders… creates and energy and excitement and new possibility.

Perhaps you know people (or perhaps you are someone) who are/is working incredibly hard at something that you intensely dislike. Perhaps it is wearing you down. But you’ve told yourself that you have to keep doing it until you’ve earned enough to not worry about what comes next. And there’s something practical and pragmatic about that. Sometimes that is what we need to do for a while. But sometimes we box ourselves in. If we changed some of our other goals, or expectations about what we really need, we might access a deeper kind of joy today instead of waiting until some of the best years of our lives have passed by. If we focused on each step of the dance, rather than a destination that we’ve constructed in our own imaginations, what might we discover about ourselves, about others, and about our world?

#BlogElul: The feeling of being truly heard #takeaseatmakeafriend

August 11, 2013 / gurevitzr

There are many walks of life, many leadership development programs, and many other opportunities to come into contact with exercises that are designed to make us better listeners. Deep listening is, in my opinion, a spiritual practice, that can and should be practiced and nurtured. But I also believe that one of the best ways for us to recognize what truly deep listening is comes from reflecting on our own experiences of times when we have felt truly listened to. When did you know that the person listening understood what you were saying? How did that feel?

I’d like to be able to say that it feels wonderful; that my heart feels full. And, in fact, that is often the kind of feeling that I get when I feel truly listened to. But here’s another thing that I’ve learned about deep listening. It happens so rarely that it can actually be a bit unnerving when you truly have the experience. I used to run a program to bring Christian, Muslim, and Jewish teens together to learn from and about each other. In the preparation I would do with my Jewish students before our first gathering, we did an exercise in deep listening. Some students reflected the discomfort that came from someone really listening and being able to reflect back what had been shared. They were much more used to a more superficial kind of communication, and friends talking over one another. Why did deep listening cause discomfort? Perhaps, when we realize that someone is really trying to know us, we recognize feelings of vulnerability. Do we worry about whether they will like who we are? The truth is, we can only make deep connections with others by being willing to be vulnerable. The reward is the foundation of trust that can bond people together, and the incredible feeling of support that can come from those around us.

What does a listener do or convey that makes you feel understood? How does it feel?

#BlogElul: What lies between the pages? #takeaseatmakeafriend

August 9, 2013 / gurevitzr

What book has made a profound impact on you? In what ways?

In recent years, I think that one of the books that has made the most profound impact on me, especially in the context of my work as a Rabbi, is a spiritual memoir called ‘Devotion’, by Dani Shapiro. I shared something about this book in an Elul reflection posted here in 2010.

What was so profound about Dani’s memoir was the intensely honest reflection on a spiritual journey that did not fit neatly into preconceived definitions and boxes. This is, in fact, the case with any personal spiritual journey. Dani’s memoir demonstrates so powerfully how we can gain deep spiritual insight from the close examination of our own lived experiences, as she also explores a variety of spiritual practices that can help us to pay attention in new ways. Truly allowing ourselves to probe deeply into these experiences requires us to permit ourselves to be vulnerable. And to share these questions, observations, and insights with others can take courage. Dani doesn’t preach; she simply shares her own story and asks her own questions, and leaves you to make up your own mind. Perhaps you, too, will be encouraged to reflect deeply on your own journey. Dani’s experiences taught me that I could best share Jewish wisdom and spiritual practice with others by truly listening to and helping to guide people on their journeys, and only then offering the resources that our rich heritage can provide to meet the specific needs, hopes, and questions of the seeker. I’d like to think that it has helped me to be a better Rabbi.

So, What book has made a profound impact on you? In what ways?

#BlogElul: Take a Seat, Make a Friend

August 9, 2013 / gurevitzr

Each year, our wonderful colleague Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, puts forth a daily theme for the Jewish month of Elul – the four weeks leading up to Rosh Hashanah. There are many others who are participating in #BlogElul with quotes, images, and thought pieces. It is wonderful to read multiple interpretations of the daily theme by different writers on their blogs and via their tweets.

This year, I will also be blogging through Elul, but I’m going to be departing from the common themes of the #BlogElul project. It is a little chutzpadik on my part, but I’ll be continuing to label my postings with the #BlogElul moniker to connect with the larger community who is engaged in reflection during this preparatory month. Traveling with my own congregation, connecting with community, and specifically relationship-building between congregants, is our larger theme for this coming High Holyday season and beyond.

I’ll explain more in a just a moment. But first, I invite you to take a few minutes to watch this wonderful, heart-warming video to set the scene:

And here are some excerpts from the message I shared with my congregation on the 1st day of Elul, to launch our own ‘Take a Seat, Make a Friend’ experience over the coming 7 weeks and beyond:

Four people, sitting in kayaks in the middle of a lake, strike up a conversation. It is not a hypothetical – it is what happened when two of the families who came to our Summer picnic at Hopkinton State Park just a few weeks ago met. They discovered that they have a great deal in common. Lesley and David learned that they’d grown up in the same town, and even belonged to the same temple. David and Jim learned that they used to work at the same company, and David has done business with Jim’s new boss. Jim and Lori discovered that they were both Industrial Engineers by training. But, as Lesley put it, more than the specifics, it was the overall sense of connection that was important – it created a warmth in their hearts and a feeling of being ‘home’. Just as our teens speak about Chai School being a place where a sense of common identity is felt by how friends just ‘get each other’, so that sense of connection is something that we all deeply hope to find in community.

This is what happens when you take a seat and begin to talk. It can happen on a kayak, in a ball pit, at a coffee table, at an Oneg, and anywhere that two people begin a conversation that scratches beneath the surface.

We all yearn for that kind of connection. And we want Congregation B’nai Shalom to be the kind of community where you can find it. This year we will be especially focusing our energies on creating the kind of gatherings and opportunities that will enable more of us to have those meaningful conversations and deepen relationships among the members of our congregation.

There will be many opportunities to experience this during the High Holyday season. However, there is no time to start like the present. While the core work of relationship building happens in face-to-face interaction, the next four weeks – the Jewish month of Elul – is traditionally a time of preparation. During this month, I will be posting inspirational quotes and videos on themes of connection and relationship, along with questions on our Facebook page (‘like’ the page to receive the feed on your wall). If you are not a Facebook user, you will find the same reflections on my blog (where you can also sign up to receive new postings in your email inbox). I invite you to engage, comment, and share when you can. Our online sharing and interactions with each other’s comments will enable us all to get to know each other a little more. If you prefer, you can choose to share anonymously on the blog and, if you wish to do so on Facebook, send me your comment and we will post as ‘CBS’ with your thoughts.

In addition, I am inviting congregants to contemplate some of the questions below and send me short responses in the coming weeks. I will weave these responses into our High Holyday services this year and, in this way, we will co-create our liturgy together, getting to know each other a little more deeply in the process.

Share something on your bucket list? Why this?
Who or what inspires you?
What is one experience that changed your life?
What keeps you up at night?
What do you have faith in?
What is most precious to you?
Who do you miss? How did they impact your life?

So… let the conversations begin.

#BlogElul 25: Why Forgiveness is the key

September 12, 2012 / gurevitzr

Last Saturday night, for our pre-Selichot service study and discussion, I presented the animated shorts of Hanan Harchol, found at www.jewishfoodforthought.com Not only are these charming, they are wonderfully thought-provoking, and generated a great deal of conversation. We watched ‘Forgiveness’ first.

I will speak for myself when I say that, despite my understanding that forgiveness is creating an internal change that allows another person’s acts to no longer keep a grip on my thoughts and emotions – to, as we hear in the animation, no longer let someone ‘live rent free in my head’ – it is an incredibly difficult thing to do in practice. At times, often unexpectedly, I find myself replaying painful scenes from my life when someone’s words hurt me, or I felt wronged, or someone acted in a way that was dismissive or condescending toward me. I have no desire for these scenes to occupy space in my memory banks. But they seem to have an uncanny ability to maintain their grip.

Mindfulness practices can help combat the power of these thoughts. While I may not be able to neutralize them completely, a greater self-awareness can at least enable me to notice when my mind is in that place, and I can then consciously let it go and try to clear the picture in my head. Sometimes that is as good as it gets. I don’t believe that forgiveness is a one-time thing. It is a process that we need to repeat over and over when a particular moment of our past swims back into view, churning up old emotions with it. And then, perhaps, over time, the more we find ourselves able to notice and dismiss the memory and observe rather than be drawn in by the emotions, the more we are able to neutralize the intensity of the memory when it arises the next time.

Why is it so important to forgive? I’ve been thinking a lot during my preparations and sermon-writing for the High Holydays, that our entire orientation to life – our outlook, our motivation to engage in purposeful acts in the world that make a difference to the community we live in, and the ways that we engage with others on a day-to-day basis, are all driven by the things that we marinate our minds in. There are many ways that we can marinate the mind in something that is burning with negativity. Painful memories from the past are some of the ways. And I know that, for me, when those memories arise, I feel myself get tense and my teeth grit, and my brow furrows, and I’m more likely to be sharp with someone or impatient, and I’m more likely to want to shut myself off from interactions and just hibernate in my own, private space.

But when I do those things, how can I make a positive difference in the world? How can I contribute in a meaningful way to the life of my family, friends, or community? How can I be open enough to give and receive love, to act compassionately, to create space for a different kind of interaction next time around?

Forgiveness is the key. When we read Jonah on Yom Kippur afternoon, that is the message. Jonah wants to see strict justice applied to Nineva. When we dredge up past scenes of hurt, isn’t that what we want? We want to know that person got their comeuppance. We want to know that someone gave them as good as they gave. We want to see them fail at something. But what does that achieve? If we recognize that when we feel miserable we are less likely to do good in the world, why would we hope for someone else’s misery? Yes, there are times when acts are committed that require societal justice to be done. But, on an individual level, forgiveness and legal justice are compatible and can co-exist, because one is an internal state of mind, while the other is a social system for maintaining some controls over the worst excesses of human behavior.

Forgiveness is the key.
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

#BlogElul: Who is watching your back? A Healing story

September 6, 2012 / gurevitzr

Today’s Elul blog entry reflects on a healing theme and is written by guest blogger Karen F Rothman, M.D., a member of Congregation B’nai Shalom, Westborough.

A few years ago, I saw a young woman, Susan (a pseudonym), in my office for a follow up exam. I had diagnosed an early melanoma on her skin about five years before, when she was 27. At the time, she was just about to be married. Soon after her marriage, I also diagnosed her husband with a very rare and aggressive cancer that had spread to his skin. After a short but intense battle, he succumbed to the disease. Susan came regularly for follow up exams and was physically healthy, but was understandably finding it hard to resume any semblance of a normal life.

As I examined Susan I was startled to see the Hebrew word “R’faeinu” tattooed in bold black letters onto her lower back. Susan is not Jewish, her former husband was not Jewish, and the tattoo was a new
acquisition. I thought carefully how to frame a question about the tattoo. I asked her if she knew what it meant and how she came to get that particular tattoo. She told me that she had gone to a tattoo artist. Susan told the tattoo artist that she had gone through some tough times and needed to make a dramatic change in her life in order to move forward. Susan felt that getting a tattoo would be a tangible
reminder to herself that she couldn’t remain stuck in the past. I asked her if she wanted me to tell her what the Hebrew word meant; I told her that it was only used once in the Torah. It was the word uttered by Moses when he plead with God that Miriam be healed (from leprosy). I explained that Miriam was not only Moses’ sister, but the one who found water for the wandering Hebrews, and that without her, the newly freed slaves would probably perish. Miriam was healed and the Jewish people survived. I told Susan that I couldn’t have come up with a more appropriate sentiment than artist had tattooed on her.

Susan decided to move back to her home state to be closer to her parents and the rest of her family, and I have lost contact with her. Every week that we recite a healing prayer with the word “r’faeinu”
and every year when we read Kedoshim I think of Susan. I wonder at the combination of luck, intuition, and presence of God that led the tattoo artist to come up with that particular word on that particular person, and whether the artist had any idea of how perfect the choice was. I hope that Susan is further on her road to wellness, and wish her a r’fuah shleimah, a full healing of the body and soul.

#BlogElul 18: Igniting the Spark of Love

September 5, 2012 / gurevitzr

Cross-posted at the Rabbis Without Borders blog at myjewishlearning.com

Last year, Jewish musician and Spiritual Leader of Temple Shir Shalom, Oviedo, FL, Beth Schafer wrote a book called ‘Seven Sparks.’ Taking the 10 commandments as her inspiration, she re-cast them as seven sparks that can truly guide us toward what she has labeled, ‘Positive Jewish Living.’ The origins of both the book and the larger ‘Positive Jewish Living’ project was a belief that Beth held that Judaism was chock full of wisdom that we can truly live by, but our Jewish tradition can sometimes make it challenging to find your way into the complex, rabbinic texts, commentaries and interpretations of Torah in which this wisdom is found.

The first of the 10 commandments is more of a statement: ‘I am the Eternal Your God, who led you out of Egypt.’ From this, Beth extracts the first of her Seven Sparks: ‘I am free to love and be loved.’ She asks why God needs to make such a statement of introduction. Why does God need to introduce God-self? Perhaps because our people, newly freed from Egypt, have been distanced and need to be reintroduced. God frees us from slavery in order to reestablish a loving relationship (our covenant). Restoring love helps to bring healing to our broken world (tikkun olam). Our time of wandering in the wilderness was a time in which we were re-taught and re-membered how to love. We also learn how to receive love. ‘It’s hard to feel that you are loved, if you’ve spent all of your energy as a slave to something unhealthy. It’s hard to feel worthy when you are ensnared by self-doubt or self-criticism. When someone shares love with you, you need to know in your heart that you deserve it.” (Schafer, 2011).

At the end of each chapter, Beth includes a section called ‘Ignite!’ How do we ignite the spark of love in our day-to-day lives? These are her suggestions. How appropriate they are as a source of contemplation and inspiration as we prepare ourselves spiritually for a New Year:

For yourself:

I love myself.
I have immense potential to grow.
I appreciate my quirks as well as my gifts.
I am proud of both big and small accomplishments.

For your family:

I express love generously and often.
I approach disagreements from a loving perspective.
I give without expecting anything in return.

At work:

I extend courtesy and respect to both superiors and subordinates as part of my work.
I extend amazing service to clients or customers as one of my many goals.
I act naturally and honestly to promote a great environment.

At your Congregation:

We welcome all who visit the congregation from the parking lot, to the phone, in meetings, services, and all written correspondence.
We respond with immediate compassion and caring to those in need.
We recognize special events such as birthdays, anniversaries, recovery from illness and special lifecycle moments as a community.