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Category: Life

#BlogElul: What is my purpose? #takeaseatmakeafriend

Every time I officiate at a funeral, and every time I hear a eulogy, the question of purpose in life arises for me. At each of those funerals and in each of those eulogies, I hear different answers to the question. What I have learned is that there is not ‘an answer’ to our existence. The meaning-making comes from the specific choices that each of us has made and the specific paths that each of us have travelled.

When you ask yourself the question, don’t expect to arrive at ‘the’ answer. But to live without regrets, to live mindfully, choosing your path in each and every moment, requires that we carry the question in our hearts at all times.  Only this can ensure that we don’t sleep-walk our way through life.

The sound of the shofar is our wake up call. Where are you? What are you here to do in this very moment?

What happens next? Reflections on Steve Jobs’ last words

In the last few days, many people have been talking about the eulogy that Mona Simpson, Steve Jobs’ sister, gave at his funeral. More specifically, her sharing of his last words:

The Huffington Post reported: In a stirring eulogy delivered at Jobs’ memorial, held at Standford University’s Memorial Church on October 16, Simpson revealed the last words Jobs uttered mere hours before he died. Her tribute to her brother was reprinted by the New York Times on October 30. According to the Times’ printed version, Simpson said Jobs had been looking at the members of his family, gathered around his bed, when he gazed past them and said,” OH WOW. OH WOW. OH WOW.”

Much has been said by media pundits, blogged, and talked about in homes, over coffee and around water coolers, about what those last words might have meant. I’m not going to provide ‘the answer’, or even ‘a Jewish answer’. We simply don’t know. Way back in the Talmud (compilation of Rabbinic writings from approx. 0-500 CE), Rabbi Joshua ben Chanania said, ‘When they come to life again, we will consult about the matter.’ (Niddah 70b). Of course, this in itself might be understand as the declaration of a particular belief – that one day the dead will rise again. But this quote came to mind because, in effect, ben Chanania is also saying that we simply aren’t able to say with any certainty what happens after we die and until someone comes back to our world to tell us how it is, we’re not going to be able to reach any conclusions.

What is interesting to me is the widespread response to Steve Jobs’ last words. A few weeks ago I was discussing beliefs about God with some of my eighth grade class. One group that I was talking to largely expressed that they didn’t think they believed in something after death, but that they wished they did – they liked the idea, and found it comforting. In a recent discussion about death and dying at Fairfield University where I was a guest speaker, some students expressed belief in a heaven, but they no longer held to the idea that one would be judged and one’s destination depended on choices in this world. Perhaps there was just one ‘place’ where we all went, and perhaps it was more a transferral of energy or awareness, but not an actual physical place. Some expressed that it was in actions, family, and memory that we ‘lived on’, but only in those kinds of realms in this world.

While we may not be able to achieve clarity of answer, both the ideas we have and the questions we have about life after death are core questions that human beings have pondered since we walked on this earth. Every culture, every civilization, and every religion has had one or more ways of responding to the question. The great Jewish teacher and philosopher of the twelfth century, Maimonides, wrote extensively of the ideas found among the Jewish people in his introduction to Perek Helek. Maimonides was largely dismissive of most the mainstream ideas of his time, and implied that they taught us more about what people valued in this world than informed us of the truth of what happens when we die.

As a Rabbi, I’ve had enough exchanges with people about near death experiences, or the sense of presence of a loved one after they have died, that I have come to believe that something continues after our physical death on this earth. I’ve had personal experiences that have brought me to that place of believing in an energy – what some might call the Soul – that goes on. And, while I know those same experiences could be explained in other ways, I find my belief comforting and I believe it is comforting to others. An important part of my faith involves being able to live in the space of ‘not knowing’. I am able to experience the mystery of life and Creation in a deep and visceral way when I am able to occupy that space of not knowing. This is an important part of my spiritual awareness.

And so, while I don’t know what Steve Jobs, may he rest in peace, saw or felt in his last breaths, I hope his soul is united again with the energetic source of all existence. I hope it is quite incredible – the kind of incredible to which we might only be able to utter ‘Oh wow!’
Rachel Gurevitz

Wishing you Well over the Fast

May you delve deeply into the pages of your life, seeking understanding, love and compassion.
May you release yourself from the ink smudges, strike-outs, poor choices and long-winded yet aimless passages of past chapters.
May you weave deep and meaningful connections with others into the story you tell of your own life.
May you recommit to writing all that is essential and significant in your Book of Life.


Wishing you well over the Fast,
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

13 Elul. Mourning and Spiritual Messages Derived from this Holiday: the Power of Choosing Life:

Photo by Frank Dobrushken
The Days of Awe invite us to see where we missed the mark in our past year of life and to realign.

During these days we look upon life and upon death and are urged to return to life giving ways of living.
For some ‘choosing life’ when mourning means reaching out for needed support. For some choosing life means shifting the way we look at the world, consciously choosing to look at the world and life in ways that bring peace, quietude, gratitude and joy in the midst of grief.

For some choosing life means evaluating if we have fully given ourselves to the mourning process. Whether we’ve tried to leave prematurely, not having allowed ourselves the time and space we need to mourn.

Choosing life when mourning also means being aware if this place of grief has become overly comfortable.

We’re not shaped to stay in intense grief all our lives.

Your grief will not utterly disappear. Your bond, your connection, will remain within you for rest of your life.

People we are linked with and love who have died are part of our body, a part of who we are, and a part of our life story. By allowing ourselves to deeply mourn, the intensity of grief begins to shift and change.

One caveat, for those who have experienced the death of a child:
The loss of a child remains keenly within throughout one’s life.
One learns how to survive, how to live with that loss inside oneself.
The grief of the loss of a child at any age, from a young child to an adult child, can surface quickly and sharply, with intensity throughout life.One need repeatedly, at junctures, determinedly, choose to live. Our child would demand that of us.

We need choose to connect with life.
We need to work to be connected with others and to engage in activities that bring joy and meaning.
There comes a pivatol time when you profoundly know that only you can change your life.
That no one else can do this for you.
And this turning point, this knowing, this acting, this choosing, is a path of deep spirit.

Choosing life calls us to affirm the good that exists in this world as well as that which is random, to see that which is mysterious, incomprehensible, as well that which is evil. It calls us to see the beauty that is there as well and consciously to savor it.

Choosing life calls us to claim life, to join in life, as the different people we are, in our now different circumstances.
Rabbi Vicki Hollander.
For more inspirational and supportive guidance from Rabbi Hollander, visit her website.