Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

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Category: Debbie Friedman

Remembering Debbie Friedman: For All That is Good

January 27, 2014 /
Photo by Angela Gold
I was honored to be able to share some words about my teacher and friend, Debbie Friedman, at the 3rd Yarzheit Kumsitz program in her memory, held at HUC-JIR, New York this past Thursday evening.
There are many stories told in our tradition of students learning from their teachers. When Debbie started teaching at HUC I was already ordained and working in congregational life – my friendship and connection with Debbie begins in 1998, 5 years before I moved to the USA from London. 

But Debbie was also my teacher in the most profound sense highlighted by those stories of old; the teacher who communicates through their actions.

Debbie, as anyone who ever tried to plan a service or a class with her can tell you, did not teach with lesson plans and outlines. Her teaching came straight from her soul.

And I, like so many, learned most from Debbie by observing how she did her work in the world.

Traveling often with Debbie to Healing Services in Weschester in addition to regularly attending at the JCC in Manhattan, this is what I learned from Debbie about healing:

· Many different kinds of people came to a healing service. Some of them recovered from illnesses and surgeries, and some of them did not. Some of them carried years of emotional pain and loss. We call carry some piece within that is in need of healing.

· While not every one could be cured, Debbie brought some healing to them all. She did this by creating a holy vessel in space and time in which, for at least a while, they were lifted up, embraced, and reminded that they mattered; that their presence made a difference in the lives of others. She brought them laughter, and smiles, as well as cathartic tears.

· When the service was over, Debbie was eager to leave promptly. She said emphatically, ‘this is not about me. This is about each of them. I want them to connect with each other, not with me.’ And they did. We laughed together, cried together, celebrated together and mourned together. I made some of my first friends in this country at those services and am forever grateful to them.

Debbie’s rendering of the Mi Shebeirach is, of course, one of the singularly most transformative contemporary prayers that she gifted to us.

But that soul wisdom that she shared in all that she taught us about healing infuses another blessing that she transformed. While not yet so well known, Debbie’s rendition of the Birkat haGomel is equally transformative.

Traditionally, this is a blessing that is said upon recovering from a life-threatening illness or situation. After childbirth, after a car accident, once the cancer is in remission…

The traditional formulation consists of a statement made by the survivor who thanks God for bestowing goodness upon them, and a response by the congregation who prays that God continues to bestow such goodness.

Debbie transformed the experience and the meaning of this blessing. She did this by changing the emphasis of the blessing. While she offers us names for God that describe the things we hope and wish for – Creator of Miracles, Mercy and Life; Protector, Healer – Debbie’s prayer asks us to focus on three words, over and over again: Kol tov Selah. Kol tov – all that is good. Selah – pause and consider.

But not, in fact, to pause and consider how we were saved. That is not Debbie’s prayer. ‘Give thanks for all that is good.’

For what we have is this moment, this hour, this day.

We’ve just lived through an experience that reminded us that we might not have been present in this moment. So we have a blessing to help us to pause and to remind us, literally, to stop and smell the roses. To recognize the blessings.

When we are able to do this it helps us to banish the feelings of fear that can arise and incapacitate us. We are less likely to feel alienated and alone, and more likely to feel connected with the people around us. When we can pause and appreciate the good, even in the midst of illness or loss, we are uplifted if only for a brief moment and, in that moment, we also experience a little bit of healing.

Debbie didn’t call this blessing, Birkat haGomel.

The title that you will find in the new anthology is the one she gave it – ‘For all that is good.’

Thank you, Debbie, for teaching us. Through the Torah that poured out of your very soul you taught us how to connect, how to renew the spirit, how to recognize and appreciate the good that is before us, moment by moment, and how we can bring healing to each other.

#BlogExodus, Nisan 1: From the narrow places I call

March 24, 2012 /

Tonight is Rosh Hodesh Nisan, the beginning of the first month of the year.  Yes, I know, its confusing – isn’t Rosh Hashanah – the Jewish New Year that usually falls sometime in September – the start of the year?  Well, yes, that is the Jewish New Year, but Rosh Hashanah actually falls on the 1st day of the 7th month.  Because Jewish holy days were tied to the seasons long before our people superimposed historical and mythical layers to add to their meaning, it also makes sense that we would arrive at the beginning of the 1st month right after we announced the 1st day of Spring.  New life, new buds, new flowers appearing on earth – the sense of a new cycle beginning again.

This month I’m joining Rabbi Phyllis Sommer, along with many others, in #BlogExodus (that’s how you’ll search for others on Twitter who might have posted blogs as part of the project).  Together, we’ll cover the days between the 1st and 14th of Nisan, leading up to Pesach.

Today’s theme is the narrow places of Mitzrayim (Egypt).  As part of the Hallel (selection of psalms we sing on holidays and as part of the Passover Seder) we find the lines, min hameitzar karati Yah, anani va-merchav Yah.  From the narrow places I called out to God; God answered me expansively. (Ps. 118)

The first time I heard and learned the melody to these verses was with Debbie Friedman, z’l, at a Healing service in Westchester.  I don’t quite recall, but it may well have been only the second time that I attended one of these services, and it was the month leading up to Pesach.  You can hear an excerpt of Debbie singing Min Hameitzar from ‘The Journey Continues’ album here.

I remember back to that time in my life.  I was not sick, but I had recently left the UK for a nine month stay at Elat Chayyim the transdenominational Jewish retreat center.  I was a bit home-sick, but it was also one of the most important periods of my life, in my mid-20s.  Looking back, I see that it was my soul that was aching – I was struggling internally with my sense of who I was and how to live my life.  I guess its the kind of angst familiar to many at that stage of life.  But it was a kind of spiritual mitzrayim – a narrow strait.  Debbie sang that song with a yearning in her voice – perhaps calling out from her own mitzrayim – and i felt some of the restraints that were holding me back start to break apart.  It was the beginning of my own journey through the wilderness to my Promised Land.

When I introduce the Mi Shebeirach prayer for healing during a service, I always invite my congregation to think of those in need of healing, ‘whether healing of body or healing of spirit.’  I know that most people’s minds turn immediately to those that they know who are physically ailing.  But Debbie taught us that we all need healing of spirit.  There is not one of us in this world who is so complete that we have no rough edges, no broken shards, or tender hearts, from some emotional or spiritual aching.  Each one of us can identify the mitzrayim that we live in, or have experienced at some time in our lives.

We begin the journey by calling out from that place – the narrow straits.  The ability to perceive expansiveness, to see that there is a path forward that can release us from the places we feel stuck in our lives, in our sense of self, in our sense of possibility … the miracle is that the mere act of calling out can create the opening.  Just as the Hebrews in slavery had to call out before God heard and responded to their suffering.

Last week, we welcomed approx. 130 women, men and youth at our Women’s Seder, dedicated to Debbie’s memory, and led by the incredibly gifted and soulful Julie Silver.  It was a real honor to lead the Seder with Julie, accompanied by Carole Rivel, who accompanied Debbie in so many of the healing services and Women’s Seders that she led for many years.  We all carry Debbie in our hearts, and her legacy lives on when we teach in her name, inspired by what she taught us.  She will forever remain as one of my greatest teachers.
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

Remembering Debbie Friedman on the 1st Yarzheit

January 27, 2012 /

This post was previously published at myjewishlearning.com and is reprinted here on the eve of the 1st yarzheit for Debbie Friedman



On January 9, 2011, a sweet singer of Israel, Debbie Friedman, passed away. While her Hebrew yahrzeit is at the end of this month, for many this is becoming a month of remembrance. Family gatherings, concerts in her memory, special Shabbat Shira dedications in early February, as her legacy and her songs live on.

On Monday night, I ended my eighth grade class with a brief sharing of some of my own personal interactions with Debbie, and the enormous role she had in pointing the way to the path that became my life as a rabbi. When I teach Torah about m’lachim – angels in Jewish tradition, I often point out how, when they show up in our holy text, they bring a message that redirects the life path of the one being visited. Think Hagar (twice), Jacob wrestling with an angel, Joseph meeting a ‘man’ in a field who redirects him to find his brothers (without which the rest of the Joseph story that we have recently read in this year’s Torah cycle might never have unfolded). When I teach these texts, I ask people to think of the encounters in their own lives that might fall into this domain. Debbie was most certainly ones of those people for me. One of the last songs she wrote was a new setting for Shalom Aleichem – the poem we sing on Erev Shabbat to welcome the Sabbath angels into our homes and our lives … how fitting.

Many have written far more eloquently than I about the legacy of Debbie’s music; how she transformed the way we sang our souls to God, and the sound of prayer in our sanctuaries; and how her blending of English and Hebrew enabled us to understand and connect with the prayers in a deeper way. For me, and for many who had personal encounters with Debbie, whether they were intimate friends, or once-only events, the legacy that we remember goes beyond the gift of the music. In the outpouring of remembrances that were shared online in the days and weeks that followed her passing, what so many shared was the way that Debbie was deeply and truly present to others. She had a gift for seeing within another person and, in that moment, asking the most important question. She was a Spiritual Director of sorts, although she would never have claimed that label.

During this month of January as I remember, sing Debbie’s songs, look through old photographs, and connect with others, I know that all who do likewise, in the USA and beyond, are truly making her memory be for a blessing. ‘And you shall be a blessing’, she sang to us. Now we sing it for her.

At the end of my eighth grade class, I played the original recording of Debbie as a teenager singing the Shema. I told them how young she had been when she began to write these melodies, how she song-lead at camp, how she went on to touch so many thousands of lives. I pray that, while they will never have the blessing of meeting Debbie Friedman, they may still be touched by her gifts and inspired by her life.

And we’ll sing our souls to You – in memory of Debbie Friedman

February 4, 2011 /

Wednesday marks the end of shloshim – the 30 day period of mourning after the funeral of Debbie Friedman.  Many congregations, federations and communities in the USA and abroad have been, and will be having musical gatherings to honor Debbie’s memory.  Some of the larger programs were streamed live and  recorded for subsequent viewing.  You can listen to the Memorial service held at Central Synagogue, New York, here.  There was a concert memorial held at Temple Israel in Boston which you can view here.

Here, at Congregation B’nai Israel, we are gathering at the end of the first Shabbat after shloshim for a Havdalah song-session on February 12, 5-6:30 p.m.  Our focus will be on one thing and one thing only – singing Debbie’s music together in a gathering that is open to everyone.  Helping to lead us will be several local musicians such as Cantor Scott Harris, Rabbi Suri Krieger, Rayhan Pasternak, Rhea Farbman, and Adrianne Greenbaum (in addition to B’nai Israel’s own clergy and educators), and also some special guests from further afield: Kathy Gohr from Allentown, PA, Adrian Durlester from Amherst MA, Arnie Davidson from Glastonbury, CT and Batya Diamond from Wilton, CT.  This latter group are all people that I met at or with whom I share one very special place in common – Hava Nashira.  In fact, Rayhan, who is a Fairfield local, is also someone that I first met many years before I found myself in Connecticut, at Hava Nashira.  I’d like to say a little more about that in a moment.  But first, I hope you’ll be able to join us to sing, learn and share Debbie’s music on the 12th.  So that we can estimate numbers, it would be very helpful if you could RSVP via this link.

Hava Nashira is the program that first brought me to the USA.  It is the annual conference for song-leaders, held at OSRUI camp, Oconomowoc, WI and it is the URJ camp that serves the Great Lakes region.  I came because two years earlier Debbie had visited the UK, performed at the Liberal synagogue in St. John’s Wood, London and run the choir a the UK national Limmud conference.  This was before Limmud became the 2,500-person mega conference that is today.  We were about 750-strong that year, and it was my first time attending the conference.  After Debbie left, a number of us based in London who had sung in her choir were bemoaning the fact that there was no-one like her for us to sing with when she left.  Both the style of the music and the passion and excitement that we felt in just singing our souls to God, experimenting with harmonies, feeling the surge of the voices coming together – we didn’t know of a place in the UK to do that.  There were formal Jewish choirs that one could join and, wonderful though some of them were, it just wasn’t the same.

For whatever reason – perhaps a sense of calling, or perhaps just pure chutzpah, I decided that there was no reason we couldn’t continue to sing Debbie’s music, and music like Debbie’s in an informal musical gathering that had no ‘outcome’ in mind – no concerts, no performances.  Shir B’Yachad (sing together) was born, as a monthly musical gathering (A name suggested by Diane Bramson who still runs the monthly gathering now many years after I left the UK).  Initially I partnered with a friend, Nina Maraney, who was a talented Music graduate who played guitar and had a beautiful voice.  She was just beginning to focus on doing more professional music work for the Jewish community and, after almost a year, she encouraged me to take the helm musically as well as organizationally.  My musical skills were much more limited – some passable keyboard accompaniment and some rhythm, but I learned the songs quickly and gained confidence in teaching them to others.  Another friend and talented song-leader and composer, Jess Gold, encouraged me to join her the following year at Hava Nashira where I could gain some skills training and broaden my repertoire.

Debbie Friedman leading a session at Hava Nashira

Hava Nashira was a life-changing experience in so many ways.  On the first evening when we gathered for our first song-session, I felt like I’d entered some heavenly realm, surrounded by so many folk voices, effortlessly breaking into 6-part (at least) harmony as we sang together.  In addition to Debbie, the faculty included Jeff Klepper, Merri Arian, Ellen Dreskin, Rosalie Boxt, and  Donny Maseng.  There were many talented musicians and composers among the attendees too and it was quite awe-inspiring to be in the midst of it all.  I learned a lot of repertoire and picked up a lot of great advice on how to song-lead effectively in different settings.  Still very much the amateur, I returned to Hava Nashira whenever I could (although its been about 5 years since I was last able to make it).  Reconnecting with old friends became as much a part of the pleasure and, even with those I didn’t see or hear from much in the interim, there was a powerful bond that transcended time and space that connected so many of us who had shared the Hava Nashira experience.  

When Debbie died, the remembrances and stories shared by all those who subscribe to the Hava Nashira listserv continued unabated for well over a week.  So many shared stories of things they had learned from Debbie, things that they had seen her do at Hava Nashira, the jokes she had told, the personal connections she had made with so many, inspiring them or supporting them at vital junctions in their lives.  It was deeply moving.

And so it is that, among the musicians helping to lead us in song next Saturday evening are some of those special connections from Hava Nashira.  Hava Nashira will go on, although Debbie’s absence this year will be enormous.  The faculty in recent years has include Craig Taubman, Peter and Ellen Allard, Dan Nicols, Shira Kline and Josh Nelson – many very talented musicians, composers and song-leaders.  In addition, last year a Fall/Winter gathering was added called ‘Shabbat Shirah’, providing another opportunity to gather at OSRUI.  To learn more click here.

Sharing the joke (one of so many) with Debbie, Jeff, and Dan

Debbie, we will all miss you more than words can say.  Your memory is forever a blessing, and we will honor that memory by continuing to ‘Sing Unto God’.
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

Debbie Friedman, Inspiration, Teacher, and Friend

January 15, 2011 /
These words were delivered at Congregation B’nai Israel on Friday, January 14th, Shabbat Shirah, before the recitation of the Kaddish

These words, close to the start of the ‘Live at the Del’ album, were my first introduction to Debbie Friedman.  It was around 1992 and I’d been attending a workshop in London about contemporary Jewish female composers who were doing remarkable things.  In the UK Reform headquarters bookstore, this cassette was all they had.  My mother and I put the tape on to drive back home and were singing along within seconds, even though we’d never heard these songs before.  Because that’s what Debbie wanted you to do – sing!  And she knew how to get everyone joining in.  When Debbie came to the UK two years later, to lead a choir and several workshops at the Limmud Conference, she did something transformative.  As Educator, Robbie Gringras notes, she ‘created an astonishing ad hoc choir of Brits who sang to the heavens with a freedom and joy that I’d never heard in the UK’. 
Debbie transformed lives.  I have lost count of the number of postings that I have read in the last few days where, whether someone had sung with her, met her for a moment, worked with her professionally, or knew her as a friend, they felt that she had inspired them to follow their dreams, and fully realize their potential.  I was one of so many.  When Debbie left the UK after that Limmud Conference, I established a monthly music gathering – Shir B’Yachad (sing together), with no purpose other than to sing our souls to God, but that path eventually led me to the Rabbinate, and to the USA.
Speaking about the message of her song, L’chi Lach, Debbie explained that, in the parsha Lech Lecha there are the words ‘veh’yei bracha’ – and you shall be a blessing.  ‘Its not a suggestion’, she said.  ‘It’s in the command form;  Lech l’cha – go within and find that spark, that essence, and let it shine forth in the world – be a blessing.  And that is exactly what she did.
I got to know Debbie as a dear friend over time and by the time I moved to New York in 2003 I felt like I had a big sister, confidant, and special friend in Debbie.  One of the reasons that Debbie moved so many people was because she always spoke from the heart.  She was the most real and honest person.  She could see inside your soul and, when you were not being honest with yourself, she’d help you find yourself again.  She was a private person but, when you had her trust, she would share her world with you and give you the privilege of giving her a little something back.
Debbie was also extremely funny.  She loved slapstick, could tell a joke like few others, and would have audiences in stitches with laughter just as often as she would have them in tears from the emotional outpouring that her songs and prayers gave rise to.  Even in the midst of a healing service there would be laughter and, of course, that was sometimes the most healing of all.
Debbie’s life and legacy were remarkable.  She became ill in the prime of her career, after a reaction to some migraine medication.  It left her with the neurological illness that she had for the rest of her life, and which showed considerable signs of worsening in recent years.  Yet Debbie inspired us all by giving everything that she had.  She did not grumble or complain – her burden became her inspiration, and her Mi Shebeirach blessing for healing, in addition to so much more liturgy set to inclusive, communal music, transformed how we pray, and how we feel when we pray.
Last Saturday morning, for parshat Bo, I had talked about freedom requiring us to confront our inner Pharaohs.  I know from the conversations that I have had with close friends of Debbie’s in recent days that Debbie did exactly that in the last couple of months of her life and, despite her physical deterioration and pain, lived more fully than she had for so long, doing everything she loved with everyone she loved just one more time to the max – no holding back.  She jammed until 4am on the last two nights of Limmud.  When she got back she had a day out with her family doing some of the things that they loved to do together.  This was the day before she was admitted into the hospital. She called and emailed many friends in recent weeks and months and gave each of us one last special gift.  She freed herself from her slavery, even though it meant that as she crossed the parting sea, she left us behind.  She is now dancing on the other shore with Miriam and all the people. 
And the women dancing with their timbrels, followed Debbie as she sang her song.  Sing a song for the one who came before us, Debbie and the people sang and sang the whole night long.’
Debbie Friedman z’l with beloved dog Farfel (now deceased; Gribenez was Debbie’s beloved dog at the time of her death)
Debbie established ‘The Renewal of Spirit Foundation’ a number of years ago.  A donation to this fund will enable projects that she was working on at the time of her death to be completed.  For more information, go to debbiefriedman.com
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz
Each song mentioned above is linked to an album where you can find that track on oysongs.com  Debbie’s albums are also available on several other sites, e.g. itunes, debbiefriedman.com 

Mourning for Debbie Friedman

January 10, 2011 /

Dear friends and congregants,
I am truly at a loss to share words at this time.  Debbie Friedman touched the hearts and souls of thousands with her music and her presence.  She was among my dearest friends for these past 12 years and I am deeply mourning her loss.  I have no words.
I simply wish to share, for those who have not received the information through other channels, that the gathering for Debbie last night at the JCC Manhattan, which was streamed live, was also recorded and can be viewed here.

In addition, the funeral will be broadcast over the web.  It is taking place on the West Coast tomorrow morning, at what will be 2pm EST.  If you wish to attend the funeral in this way, the link is here.

Her memory is forever a blessing.  May she be blessed as she goes on her way…
Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz

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